Entrepreneur, socialite, and mother of New Zealand. Suzanne Paul is our favourite night-time infomercial celebrity.

Suzanne Paul has carved herself a shiny niche as one of the most well-recognised of these figures. She became parental-like to thousands of kiwi kids who's parents had abandoned them in front of the television to head off down to the local pub for the day.

Legions of fans were drawn to the thick, exotic, working-class British accent of this video merchant as she sold the nation such infamous products such as a plastic hair clip and a vibrating pillow that somehow found it's way into the home of every granny in New Zealand.

She is probably best-known for the "thousands of luminous spheres" which sounds quite amazing and futuristic if you are a small child growing up in the depths of Tokoroa or Rangiora.

Behold the glory of thousands of luminous spheres


New Zealand's darkest phase started in 1994 when Suzanne released a questionable dance music video upon the vulnerable population.

Capitalising on the success of aerobic music and Chicago house, the abomination known as "Blue Monkey" was pitched on sold on infomercial sales channels. Schools throughout the nation were forced to endure the horrific sounds as teachers fell prey  to the glitzy sales tactics of relentless and catchy advertisements.

Dear god, help us all
Blue Monkey dance instruction video

Along with hawking various products of dubious quality Suzanne Paul also introduced us to other washed-up foreign luminaries such as Anthony Ray Parker who appeared on several classic kiwi TV shows as her side-kick. Anthony's son eventually appeared in a starring role as one of the Roast Busters, a controversial male duo who allegedly sought to intoxicate underage girls, gang rape them and share the results on social media, presumably to reach the same level of fame and fortune that appearing on daytime TV will bring you.

Hi Anthony, it's a shame about your son. You seemed quite nice.

Contemporary Paul

Having run out of ridiculous things to sell New Zealanders, more recently Suzanne appeared on Dancing With The Stars, started a cabaret-inspired Kapa Haka stage show and also declared bankruptcy.

It has been rumoured that Suzanne is attempting to make a comeback. But with the fall of broadcast TV, infomercial riches are not what they used to be. Perhaps we'll hear her glitzy accent on more modern channel like youtube? Only time will tell.